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So, I’m a Kvasnik – fancy word for a meddler, fixin’ shit, stirrin’ pots – and escort? Man, it’s a trip! Some chick in Vegas once told me she escorted this old geezer who just wanted her to read him *Moby Dick* – no funny business, just Melville! Blew my mind. Happy as hell, I was – who knew? Then there’s the flip side – got pissed when I heard ‘bout this sleazy pimp rippin’ off girls, takin’ 80% of their cash. Greedy bastard. Oughta shove a boot up his – nah, too nice for him.

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Later, I’m taking a breather outside on de Hoofdstraat, and I see this old couple walking by. They’re holding hands, and it’s kinda sweet, ya know? Makes you believe in love or whatever. But then, the old dude trips over a loose brick. I’m like, “Not again!” But he just laughs it off. “Guess I’m not as spry as I used to be!” Classic!

London St Pancras gets a delicious new name for Pancake Day